MISCONCEPTION ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABUSE IS
The majority of the time, when we discuss relationship abuse, we concentrate on physical and emotional mistreatment. However, up to 90% of domestic violence instances involve financial abuse, or the control of one’s capacity for acquiring, using, and maintaining money by an intimate partner.
So why isn’t it being discussed?
For one thing, it might be challenging to identify this silent type of abuse. Small infractions are committed at first, but over time they get larger and more controlling. This can entail a partner requiring you to stop working altogether or insisting they handle finances without consulting you. Although controlling partners don’t just restrict your potential to earn money. Additionally, they might prevent you from using “whatever you haven’t paid for, like a car or other needs.”
Not only is ending a toxic relationship emotionally taxing, but it may also put your life in danger. In actuality, the recovery of an abusive relationship is the most dangerous moment. It can be challenging to think clearly in times of crisis, so making a safety plan in preparation will assist to keep you and your loved ones safe.
Economic abuse is frequently not acknowledged and, as a result, is not perceived to be a type of abuse. As a result, for some victim-survivors, financial abuse has been “normalized.” Economic abuse behaviour and methods, such as “economic control,” “economic exploitive behaviour,” and “economic sabotage,” have been utilized in home settings for generations and are considered “normal.”
DON’T TOLERATE ANY FORM OF ABUSE
Let’s be honest: No one likes talking about money and they definitely don’t enjoy talking about abuse. Unfortunately, that means many people don’t even realize financial abuse is an issue we need to discuss. It also leaves victim-survivors feeling too ashamed to speak up about it. “In a situation of financial abuse, there’s a power imbalance in the relationship and somebody is leveraging money and resources to control the other person.”
You don’t have to tolerate abuse since no one deserves it. If you are being subjected to violence and abuse by a spouse, partner or ex-partner, there are a variety of things you may do. None of these, however, will be simple or guarantee an instant or total halt to the abuse. In the end, the goal of the abuser is always the same—to gain power and control in a relationship.
A lot of victim-survivors seek out different types of assistance, and before they can finally break away from violence, they may leave and come back multiple times.
“Why didn’t you leave”, for example, is a question that is frequently posed or an alternate question like “Why did you remain so long?” The easy solution could seem to be to leave if you haven’t been in this circumstance yourself. But there are many reasons why victim-survivors continue to live with their abusers, and it’s crucial to understand that leaving an abusive relationship does not necessarily put an end to the abuse (and sometimes, at least for a time, it may get worse).
Because they still love their abusers, or because they are afraid of the repercussions—the abuser may threaten to hurt or even kill his partner or the children if they leave— victim-survivors continue to live with their abusers.
Victim-survivors may be concerned about losing their kids, or they may believe that staying and attempting to save their marriage is better for the kids. “Where can I go?” can be one of their concerns. “Will I become homeless as a result?” and “Where will I find the funds if I leave?” are questions that we hear very often. If their partners have cut them off from friends and relatives, they can be concerned about loneliness. Perhaps their self-esteem has been so severely damaged that they don’t think they could handle things on their own and lack the courage to go.