16 Days of activism: Story 3

The story of …

Ugeshnee Naidoo

[blockquote text=”We need to pay extra attention to cases of abuse and how the men get away with everything. It seems that women are punished for leaving. My ex always said to me if I left him he would take my son away and just like that he did. Government needs to make legal services more accessible, there is too much red tape with free legal services.” text_color=”” width=”” line_height=”undefined” background_color=”” border_color=”#A9518b” show_quote_icon=”yes” quote_icon_color=”#A9518b”]

[blockquote text=”Most of us are very scared when we are placed in this situation, however it is important to empower yourself, and to leave an abusive relationship. Becoming informed is imperative for victims to leave and recover. ” text_color=”” width=”” line_height=”undefined” background_color=”” border_color=”#A9518b” show_quote_icon=”yes” quote_icon_color=”#A9518b”]

I left an abusive relationship with my ex husband. He now has my son in his care. What are the courts saying, that if you choose to leave your abusive ex husband you will lose your children??? I am mentally stable, my ex raised no concern about my mental state yet they still ruled that my son lives with his dad in another province, the justice system has failed me terribly, another layer of abuse.

Are they telling us we should rather keep quiet and tolerate the abuse so that we don’t run the risk of losing our children?

I have been physically, emotionally, mentally and financially abused by a narcissist. I am 37, we have been together for 20 years and have one child together. I suffer from depression and anxiety, PTSD, hypertension. I had to move back to my family in KwaZulu Natal and the court ruled our child must live with him in Jhb, because it will be hard for him to adjust to another school in KZN.

I used whatever funds I had to fight for my son, but he was in a better financial position than I am and he could afford to go to the high court. The family advocate didn’t even ask for a report declaring he is mentally stable, yet they finalised their report. Please help me. My child is only 9, I had already placed him in another school after I left and I had to return my child to my ex like an object and be subjected to even more abuse even though I’m miles away. I still don’t know what to do, he made sure I’m down and out and I am, I want my son back. I’m hoping this will reach the right audience.

I still get constant messages and emails from him, he paints me out as a bad mother to my son, my son knows better thankfully. He is squeezing me dry out of every cent. He limits conversations with my child, everything has to be on his terms or else he alienates me.

We still live in a world where everyone believes it’s a man’s world where economic privilege and economic abuse is accepted, had my judge been female she might have ruled otherwise. Now my child is suffering with his dad. He doesn’t even want to be with his father. Can they not see when someone is abusing the law and other party???
Support is very limited. I have to fight my demons daily not to give up, Yes I’m suicidal and I am trying to hang on every day but who cares about a mothers wellbeing? My family understands but only to an extent, they are not familiar with the law and besides my case is the first time my family has experienced anything like this.

Most of us are very scared when we are placed in this situation, however it is important to empower yourself, and to leave an abusive relationship. Becoming informed is imperative for victims to leave and recover. Sadly it is still considered taboo, we are embarrassed, we do not have a support structure to help us and we are not in positions to get out. Be strong, hang in there and speak your peace.

We need to pay extra attention to cases of abuse and how the men get away with everything. It seems that women are punished for leaving. My ex always said to me if I left him he would take my son away and just like that he did. Government needs to make legal services more accessible, there is too much red tape with free legal services.

16 days of activism: story 2

16 days of activism: story 1

16 days of activism: story 4